All Rise...

Judge Clark Douglas doesn't care what you did last summer. He still loves you.

Editor's Note

Our review of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, published April 28th, 1999, is also available.

The Charge

Some secrets will haunt you forever.

Opening Statement

"This island didn't have a murder rate until you people showed up!"

Facts of the Case

It's been a year since Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ghost Whisperer) went through that whole traumatizing mess with the dangerous dude who looked like the guy on the fish stick box. Anyway, she's still traumatized by what took place back then (basically, the guy killed most of her friends), and she desperately needs a break from the stresses of everyday life. When Julie's best friend Karla (Brandy Norwood, Moesha) wins a trip to the Bahamas by answering a trivia question on a radio station, Julie decides to tag along. She asks her boyfriend Ray (Freddy Prinze Jr., Brooklyn Rules) to come, but Ray is too busy with work. So, Julie and Karla bring along boy-toys Tyrell (Mekhi Phifer, 8 Mile) and Will (Matthew Settle, Gossip Girl). Unfortunately, the vacation isn't fun for very long. It turns out that they've won a trip to the Bahamas during the middle of storm season. Even worse, it seems that the mysterious fish stick killer is still on the loose. The horror…the horror!

The Evidence

Find out if your film is a generic piece of rubbish by taking our foolproof Generic Horror Movie Wonder-Analyzer! Today, we put I Still Know What You Did Last Summer under the microscope.

Q: Does the film contain a supposedly terrifying moment that actually turns out to be a dream sequence?
A: Yes, it does. The heroine discovers that her priest is actually a serial killer, until she realizes that she was just daydreaming. She responds to this revelation by screaming in the middle of a college class.

Q: Is the primary villain a personality-free killer with a fondness for wielding sharp objects?
A: Yes, the villain carries a hook that is as big as his personality is limited.

Q: Are there numerous moments throughout the film in which the heroine is scared by something that turns out to be a false alarm?
A: Mmm-hmm. Can you say "best friend hiding in the closet for no logical reason?"

Q: Is there a moment later on in which the killer actually turns up and a character is convinced that it's just one of their friends?
A: Of course.

Q: Are all of the primary characters (aside from the killer) young, attractive adults who probably have a combined I.Q. of about 135?
A: Let's see…135 might be a little high for this group.

Q: Do the actors portraying the primary characters appear to be participating in a "who has the least charisma" contest?
A: They do, actually. Star Jennifer Love Hewitt does her very best to win, though the competition from Freddy Prinze Jr. and Brandy Norwood is something fierce.

Q: Everybody knows that adults over 30 are totally creepy. Considering that, is there an old person here to say foreboding things that make everybody nervous?
A: The excellent Bill Cobbs is on hand to take care of that uninteresting role.

Q: Do most of the scenes of violence take place during bad weather?
A: How did you know? It's raining all the time in this movie.

Q: Considering that the weather is bad throughout much of the film, are the killer's appearances usually accompanied by flashes of lightning that give the characters oh-so-brief glimpses of the killer before he or she disappears?
A: Yes. Bang! Crash! Where did he go?

Q: Does the killer have the mysterious ability to transport from place to place with the skill of a wizard or a member of Starship Enterprise?
A: The dude must have a freakin' transporter, I'm telling you.

Q: Are there moments in the film in which the heroine is terrified, yet her friends tell her that she is simply stressed out and imagining things?
A: Tons of them. Tons of them.

Q: Does the soundtrack provide obligatory musical stings every time something remotely creepy happens?
A: SCREEECH! I'm sorry, what were you saying? KNIFE-SCRAPING SOUND!

Q: Is the soundtrack littered with lots of songs that are either incredibly irrelevant or obnoxiously obvious?
A: "I will survive…I will survive…oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive!"

Q: Are there numerous suspicious red herrings that the camera all-too-obviously cuts to during creepy moments?
A: Yeppers.

Q: Does the film borrow any typical clichés from genres other than horror?
A: Surprisingly, the film actually borrows quite a few romantic comedy clichés. Namely, the best friend who gives awful relationship advice and the irritatingly contrived circumstances that lead to a temporary break-up between two people.

Q: Does the film offer any exceptionally irritating bonuses to add on to the endless conventions all ready mentioned?
A: How about a supporting role for Jack Black as a wacky pot dealer?

Q: Oh, good gracious, you can't be serious?
A: No, seriously, Jack Black plays a wacky pot dealer, and he's in full-on knives-under-the-fingernails mode.

Q: Was your film produced by Neal H. Moritz?
A: Yes.

Survey Results: Wow, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is about as generic and unimaginative as they come.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

As with the first film (which I had the "pleasure" to review when it hit hi-def), this one receives a superb transfer. The tropical setting certainly is easy on the eyes (when it isn't littered with bloody corpses, anyway), and the transfer provides us with a film that is at least good-looking if not, uh, good. Blacks are nice and deep, contrast is impressive, and the level of detail is simply superb. Flesh tones look a little off, but this could be due to the slightly weird lighting that permeates the film. Audio is nice and immersive, providing a strong blend of music, sound effects and dialogue that is almost always pretty dynamic. While the score and sound design are as generic as they come, at least the mix is rich. Immerse yourself in the powerful banality of every horror soundtrack ever! Extras on the disc include a brief making-of featurette, a music video featuring Jennifer Love-Hewitt and a theatrical trailer. Meh.

Closing Statement

Fans of the movie will be pleased with the stellar transfer and rich audio, but who would want to be a fan of this movie? All the cool kids are Werner Herzog fans.

The Verdict

Arrrgh! Yet another guilty entry into this bloody ol' franchise! Arrrgh…agh…cough. My pirate voice needs work.

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