More weird pony kids.
I’m going to keep this quick and to the point because, frankly, I didn’t pay enough attention to what it was before I requested it to review. See, I thought it was going to be standard-issue My Little Pony adventure, something that my young daughter would appreciate.
But, no, it’s this weird “Equestria Girls” spin-off, where the ponies retain their names, pastel color composition and general personalities, but are humanoid teens who attend a magical boarding school called Camelot High. I say “humanoid,” because they’re not quite human and not quite pony–more of an unholy byproduct of a toxic waste spill in a Skittles factory.
In this 70+ minute feature, the Equestria Girls welcome rival Crystal Prep for the Tri-Wizard Tournam–er, the Friendship Games. It’s a big-time tradition among these freakish horse-people so there’s a lot on the line.
In fact, there’s far more on the line than simply bragging rights when some manner of mystical incoherence rears up and threatens to nuke the entire world. It will fall to a pair of meek students from each school to break free of their insecurities and take off their dorky glasses and reveal that they’re both pretty and resourceful and save the world and then eat either some hay or cupcakes (I don’t know which one).
Standard stuff here then, with lots of magic and color and morals on friendship and being true to oneself and not fitting in and yada yada yada. Nothing you or your kiddo hasn’t seen in every other cartoon on your DVR rotations. What will separate this will be the gumdrop aesthetic and teeny-bop storyline (is teeny-bop a term? Am I using it correctly? Who cares?). This much I know: my five year-old daughter, a huge Pony fan, couldn’t give two Equestria fracking farts about this franchise.
The Blu-ray: 1.78:1. 1080p, DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1, audio commentary, animated shorts, deleted scenes and some sing-alongs.
Go to freak detention.