Gladiator Eroticus (DVD)

The Games. The Glory. The Girls.

Gladiator Eroticus is a movie that knows exactly what it is: poorly shot, badly acted, and flirting with hardcore pornography. I’m all for soft-core, but when it comes (ha!) this close to the line, you have to wonder…Why not just make full-on porn? As an “actor,” if you’ve agreed to go naked, fondle other women, and simulate sex without shame, what are you holding out?

The plot breaks down as…Oh who are we kidding? This is a take-off on Gladiator.

What works? A bevy of beautiful naked women.

What doesn’t? Everything else.

There are actually two different movies here. One is a slapstick spoof of Gladiator laden with toilet humor. The other is soft-core erotica about women in nature. The problem is in the clumsiness with which these two are smashed together. All the scenes go on way too long and the erotic moments are recycled over and over again. Gladiator Eroticus turns on a dime from one emotional extreme to the next (Hilarious! Hot! Hilarious again!), which would make more sense if there were actual porn involved.

Presented in standard definition 1.33:1 full frame, the dated visuals are permanently ensconced in the late ’90s early 2000s. The Dolby 2.0 stereo is so bad had I not needed to listen to it for this review, I would have turned it off. The dialogue is sometimes looped with the least erotic sound effects, adding to the overall inconsistent nature of the film. Bonus features include a couple of interviews with Misty Mundae and Debbie Rochon, and a behind-the-scenes which is supposed to make us appreciate the end result. I guess you had to be there.

Any movie that features vomiting gets my thumbs-down. Including such a scene in soft-core porn? That makes as much sense as…well, the rest of Gladiator Eroticus.


Throw them to the lions!

Here are the top ten things we know: 1) She lives in Ohio 2) She is MWOC unless you count her two dogs 3) Believes Avatar was NOT the greatest movie ever made 4) Operates on a primarily nocturnal basis 5) Wants to write the screenplay for the movie adaptation of C.S. Lewis’ The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle 6) Watches a variety of shows on television including, but not limited to: Castle, @midnight, Face Off, Sherlock and Whose Line is it Anyway? 7) Does not believe anyone will actually read this besides the editor (hello, Editor!) 8) Has attended more than one N*SYNC concert in her lifetime but only one NKOTB concert 9) Was in a car crash that would have killed her had she not been wearing her seat belt 10) Is in the process of catching up on Supernatural (incidentally would possibly leave her husband for either of the Winchester Brothers depending on the episode in question) and the bonus! 11) Enjoys reading, writing, laying on the beach (long walks tire her out) and assorted snack foods like frozen M&M's.
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